Self-Reflection Practice
Naikan Practice: A Simple Self-Reflection Exercise
This Naikan self-reflection exercise can be done over any chosen period of time, for example, the past 24 hours to a week. Although a single reflection can be powerful, the practice becomes much richer when repeated. Ideally, try it every day for one week, reflecting on the previous day and describing all the small things that happened between you and another person.
Pay attention to the little moments that are so easily overlooked: "He did the dishes." "I rubbed his shoulders." "She made me tea." "I picked up the groceries." These ordinary acts often reveal the quiet ways we care for one another.
Set aside 10–20 minutes. Sit quietly and reflect, or write your answers in a journal.
Ask yourself these three questions:
- What has this person contributed to me? What have they done to make my life richer?
- What have I contributed to make their life richer?
- What difficulties or burdens have I caused this person?
As you reflect, allow yourself to feel genuine gratitude for what you have received. At the same time, take responsibility for any distress you may have caused, without falling into guilt or self-pity. The purpose of the practice is not self-criticism but honest awareness.
What Is Naikan?
Naikan is a Japanese self-reflection practice that helps us cultivate gratitude, responsibility, and more balanced relationships. Instead of focusing on what is missing or on what others have failed to do, Naikan gently shifts our attention toward what we have received, what we have given, and the impact our actions have had on others.
Traditionally, Naikan is practiced by reflecting on these three questions about a specific person or a particular period of time. This simple structure often leads to deeper self-awareness, greater appreciation, and a more compassionate understanding of ourselves and those around us.
Whether you practice Naikan for the past 24 hours, the past week, or another meaningful period, returning to these three questions regularly can transform the way you see your relationships and your everyday life.
"Perhaps the biggest mistake I made in the past was that I believed love was about finding the right person. In reality, love is about becoming the right person."
Willow Soul Healing · Counseling & Hypnotherapy